Dr. Fixit; August 1983

Dear Dr. Fixit

Why are so many Sunday rides held earlier than church services? Are most AYH members Jewish?


Dear B.J.

A large number of AYHers are Sheehanite Runners. This sect believes you should be up and sweating by the time the sun rises. Grace is earned in inverse proportion to one's per cent body fat. Their concept of heaven is an endless training run; it is in this respect tha they differ most from other religions. Other religions' concept of hell is an endless training run.

Dear Dr. Fixit

Could you list some of the upcoming area triathalons?


Dear B.R.

Triathalons are a strange sort of thing. Biathalons have been a well established event for years--cross country skiing and marksmanship being the two sports involved. Now it seems to me that a triathalon should add one more sport to a biathalon but this is not the case. Anyway, here is your list:

Real Man Triathalon: 1. Cut the grass 2. Take out the trash 3. Change the oil

John Wayne Triathalon: 1. Horseback race 3 miles 2. Smoke a pack of cigarettes 3. Eat a 16 oz steak

Marshmallow Man Triathalon Sept 31: 1. Build a fire without matches 2. Cut a green stick 3. Toast 40 (miniature) marshmallows (disqualified if any catch fire)

Dr. Fixit's Falling Leaves Triathalon Oct 15: 1. Rake my lawn 2. Put up my storm windows 3. Clean out my gutters

Ronald Reagan's Triathalon Oct 21: 1. Horseback race 3 miles 2. Take a nap 3. Eat a 16 oz steak

AYH Hallowee Triathalon Oct 31: 1. Send in your application 2. bike 40 miles 3. Eat 40 lbs of food